ZUG: Comedy Articles: Prank Phone Call to Mapquest:
"MAPQUEST: Thank you for calling MapQuest...
JOHN HARGRAVE: I'M LOST!
MAPQUEST: [Long pause]
JH: I'm TOTALLY LOST from YOUR DIRECTIONS!
MAPQUEST: Um ... OK, I'm not sure what you want me to do about this.
JH: You can HELP ME! You're the MAP company, aren't you!?
MAPQUEST: We don't usually give directions over the phone.
JH: You work for MAPquest, right?
MAPQUEST: Yes.
JH: So can you look it up on one of your MAPS?
MAPQUEST: Well, I can try to help, but I have no idea where you are, sir.
JH: I'm trying to find 150 Clarendon Street.
MAPQUEST: I ... ah, I have no idea what city you are in, sir.
JH: THAT MAKES TWO OF US!
MAPQUEST: OK. Can you spell the name of the street?
JH: C-L-A-R-E-N-D-O-N. It's in Boston. I think I'm in Boston. But man, this is not a good area. MapQuest has really taken me to a bad part of town.
MAPQUEST: What street are you on now?
JH: HOW SHOULD I KNOW!? Your directions say "Bear left on UNNAMED ROAD." What does that even MEAN?
MAPQUEST: I have no idea. I'm guessing the street just doesn't have a name. I'm not trying to be smug, I just don't know.
JH: Is it really an unnamed road, or you just couldn't find the street sign?
MAPQUEST: You'd need to call our Denver office for that. They do the web site.
JH: Are you guys too lazy to figure out the name of the road? Why didn't you ask somebody?
MAPQUEST: Sir, could you stop and ask someone there for directions?
JH: No way. There's a group of Hispanic guys on the corner, and they look kind of angry. One of them has a razor blade around his neck.
MAPQUEST: Oh my.
JH: Hang on. Oh, I'm sorry, it's a locket. It looked like a razor blade. I caught a glint in the sun.
MAPQUEST: [Uncomfortably long pause]
JH: How we doing on those directions?
MAPQUEST: Can you spell the name of the street again for me?
JH: Oh, geez. One of them is coming over here.
[At this point, I played two parts.]
JH [as Hispanic guy]: What the FUCK are you looking at, amigos?
JH: Hi, I'm just trying to find directions...
JH [as Hispanic guy]: Why don't you get the FUCK out of here then?
JH: Right, I'm leaving. I'm sorry. Very sorry.
JH [as Hispanic guy]: ¡El ma's MapQuest es un servicio muy malo!
JH: [Back to the MapQuest lady] You've got to get me out of here. You've got to help me.
MAPQUEST: I'll try. I really apologize for any inconvenience. What street are you on?
JH: THE UNNAMED ROAD!
MAPQUEST: OK, what comes after the unnamed road?
JH: It says to turn left on St. James Ave. But it says 0.0 miles. What does that mean?
MAPQUEST: I really have no idea.
JH: Why would you tell me to go 0.0 miles? Doesn't that mean to stand in place?
MAPQUEST: Sir, do you have a phone number where you're trying to get to?
JH: Why?
MAPQUEST: Could you call and ask for directions?
JH: Great. Maybe you could just put a disclaimer on the end of MapQuest driving directions that says PLEASE IGNORE THESE USELESS DIRECTIONS AND JUST CALL FIRST.
MAPQUEST: I am trying to help you, sir.
JH: Who codes this stuff? Horses?
MAPQUEST: I really don't know. You'd have to contact them.
JH: The horses? I'd have to contact the horses?
MAPQUEST: OK, can you spell the name...
JH: Oh no. He's ... hang on. Hold on?
MAPQUEST: Yes.
JH: STAY AWAY FROM ME! NO! GET AWAY! [I was now running down a busy street in Boston, carrying my laptop and cellphone. Coincidentally, an ambulance drove by me with its sirens on as I was running, adding to the effect.]
MAPQUEST: Sir? SIR?
JH: Hang on. [Breathing heavily] You there? Are you still there?
MAPQUEST: I'm still here.
JH: I found a dumpster to hide under.
MAPQUEST: Are you OK?
JH: Oh no.
MAPQUEST: What?
JH: I left my 3 year old in the car!
MAPQUEST: YOU DID WHAT?!?
JH: Oh geez.
MAPQUEST: Sir, you HAVE to get back and help that child! You cannot leave your child in a bad neighborhood like that!
JH: I know! I panicked! This is all MapQuest's fault!
MAPQUEST: We need to help get you back right now. Do you want me to phone for help?
JH: Oh, you know what? Hang on. Aha ha ha. I see it. It's just right across the street. There it is!
MAPQUEST: You found it?
JH: There's 150 Clarendon. I was just across the street this whole time! That's great. That's just great. Thanks a lot.
MAPQUEST: You go back and get your child!
JH: Viva La MapQuest! Thanks for your help!"
0 comments:
Post a Comment